Time Marches On.......Chase turns 8!

Many weeks ago, the first light in my life decided it was time to turn 8. I was in denial and think I still am! It was the week before school started and I mentally decided that I was going to block it from my heart and mind. How and when did my little boy turn 8? For his birthday, Jason and I decided that we would update his room to reflect this change. We got him a new comforter that is just stripes, no animals or cute creatures. We then took down the wall decals that matched - the grasshoppers, fireflies, frogs and lilypad are all gone! Replacing them are the Notre Dame and UNC decals given to him by Nana. And just like that, in the course of one afternoon - my little boy was gone and even his room made that point.

I feel like I have spent so much time working on making sure that everything gets done and everyone was ready for all the changes with the end of summer and the start of school that I ignored the biggest one. Somehow, right before my eyes, Chase is all grown up. I loved my little boy but I have to admit that even now I see that time has passed. From the way he starts his homework before I even get a chance to ask what needs to be done to the way that he makes sure the his brothers make it to the school building every morning. He is grown up and already showing me the kind of man he will become. One who thinks about others and what they need. One who worries when someone isn't happy and tries to figure out how he can do something to change that. One who still loves his Mom and wants to have some time with just the two of us but won't always admit or show it in public. We are still working through some of the 'growing pains' that accompany being 8 and trying to find your own way and your new place. But with each of the these phases, a better Chase seems to emerge. I find myself just watching him in the rear view mirror as we drive to school. I see that his cheeks aren't as round and his eyes don't seem so guarded. Gone is the face of a toddler or little boy and emerging is the face of a young man. Yet, mixed in with this new look is a gap toothed smile given with pride and excitement over the loss of his first two teeth (finally). A gentle reminder that he is still changing and growing. He is full of purpose and intent. While he is still silly and goofy, he finds a way to focus when he needs to. He hates to disappoint and strives for perfection - not because I ask him to, but because he seeks it personally. If anything, I am working to remind him that mistakes are okay. They are a way to remind us that we still have room to grow - even as adults - and learning from those mistakes makes us better. Finding that balance to strive for more without forgetting that he is a still a boy who needs to run and laugh and play is a work in progress but I think he is doing it with style.

Swim team 2016 Banquet

To My Dearest Chase,

As my firstborn, I tend to ask you to do more than you should. To lead at times when you need to just play and you do so with grace and honor. You are an amazing role model for your brothers and those around you. When you laugh, I mean really laugh, your eyes light up and twinkle with a joy and a color that can't be described. You remind me daily that I am here for a reason - to teach you, but more importantly, to learn from you. As we move through each day together, you constantly remind me  what you are capable of. From the way you focus and strive to do your best at school, on the sporting field, court, course or at home, you delight me in a way I didn't think was possible. We will always have our differences and conflicts but just remember at the end of the day, I will always be your Mom and will love you. You are the light in my life and I could spend hours just thinking about the ways you shine. Your list of accomplishments this past year are many - still the soccer star and quick on the basketball court. All-star team in spring baseball and multiple heat winner in several strokes during your first summer on the swim team. In a couple of weeks, you will participate in your first triathalon - something neither your Dad nor I have ever done. You are always working towards being the first - first to try, first to finish! My first born. It is a role where you are very comfortable and I wouldn't change it for the world....

You are always my first and I love you! Here's to many more great years to come....

Love,
Mom

At the Rex Hospital Open with Dad

Striking the ball on the soccer field

Posing at school for pictures

Buried at the Beach

First lost tooth!!! Momentous for us all....

Just hanging around...

Back in time....just breathe

I normally try to post about things happening in our life in chronological order so that I can go back and 'relive' the memories when the mood strikes. However today I just can't seem to get past this occasion and need to start in the present.

I have been thinking about this milestone for what seems like an eternity - the triplets starting kindergarten. While many parents (moms) dread this day when their baby leaves them, I have been anxiously waiting for it. Yes, partly because with 3 boys the same age, quiet in my house is scarce, but the other part is because I feel like it is my first 'test' of how I am raising my boys, what kind of job am I doing as a mother?

I don't mean are they smart or how do they compare to the others in their class academically. I mean, am I raising them to be polite, caring, independent young men? This is my first test. With Chase, I felt like I was passing with flying colors. He went to Kindergarten and WOWed them (and me as well). He has been shining bright in school, as a person, and I couldn't be more proud of him. But with the triplets, the doubt has crept in to my mind. Have I given Jack too much attention and coddled him too much? Do I allow Anthony to pout or whine when he doesn't like the outcome and therefore not allowed him to learn how to solve conflicts? Does Graham know that he has a voice that can be heard and appreciated when he chooses to use it? Any other Moms out there know what I am talking about? Maybe it is just me because of the unique situation of having triplets, but somehow I don't think that is the case.

When the boys each went for their "first" day of school, I was lucky to have Chase be able to leave the car and walk with them to find their teacher on his way to class. You see, this is the first time when they have been 'alone' for a major milestone and that is hard and scary for me. I am used to being able to take comfort in the knowledge that they have each other and they will take care of each other when I am not around. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were days of great pride for me, but also of great anxiety. What if I failed them and they didn't know how to cope? I have had a knot in the pit of my stomach for weeks now and it grew bigger as the start of school approached. As we moved through the week, the knot didn't lessen, it just shifted. The worry came in different forms, manifested itself in different ways.

I am all smiles and joyful when people ask how I feel about the boys starting school. I don't want the boys to see that I am nervous because I know that they will feed off of me and I have to be positive and excited for them. But inside, inside, I can't breathe. I worry all the time and stare at my phone waiting for the call from the school that says one of the boys isn't coping. As a mother, this has been my hardest test to date. So as I drop the boys off at carpool each morning with a smile on my face and words of joy and encouragement, I look back in the mirror and watch them walk away with tears in my eyes and nerves in my gut. It is only when I get to see their faces at the end of the day and they climb in the car jabbering away and talking over each other the tell me how things went that I can start to breathe again. I am guessing that time will ease this for me just as it does for all pain but I am not sure that it will ever go away completely. A piece of me leaves every day and as they continue to grow and mature, I know that more and more of me will stay with them in the hope that they will know they are always loved and will always have me holding my breath, waiting for them to return......

Chase - First day of 2nd grade

Anthony - First day of Kindergarten

Graham - First day of Kindergarten

Jack - First day of Kindergarten

A, J, G, C - first day all 4 went to school together (7/21/2016)

To my boys,

Know that words will never be enough to tell you just how proud I am of you. What you have already become and accomplished and what has yet to be seen serves me with great pride and joy. You are the greatest gift I have to offer the world and I am proud that you are able to go out there and find your way and make your mark. Don't ever doubt how much I love you or the fact that no matter what happens, I will always love you....

Love,

Mom

The eye of the storm....

I can honestly say that I have been thinking about multiple posts that needed to be written over the course of the last month or so. Unfortunately, thinking about them hasn't led to me sitting down and taking the time to organize my thoughts enough to actually write them.

For that lack of focus, I offer this series of events....

End of school for triplets
End of school for Chase
No summer school course taught by me meaning I had the ...
Entire month of June to spend with my boys
Chase turning 8
Start of school - second grade and KINDERGARTEN

As the boys started school this week, I have had 2 of the triplets each day while the other goes for his staggered entry. Starting tomorrow all 4 boys will be in the same school at the same time. While the middle of the day will bring me time to catch up, I also know that the beginning of the day before drop-off and the end of the day after I pick them up will bring complete chaos. I feel like I am in the eye of the storm.....at some point, I will figure out all this newness but for now I have to take it one day at a time and survive the storm. Until then, here a just a few snapshots of the boys....

Pre-School Graduation from NRCOC (J,G,A)

Family trip to Oak Island

Swim Team end of season banquet

I promise that more details about each of the above mentioned will come soon.....

5 years later....

**Note: I wrote this post in my head on January 27th, the day the boys actually turned 5**

I woke up this morning and it was only slightly later than it was 5 years ago. I looked at the clock and the memories just started to flood my mind. Here I was, 5 years later, with these boys in my life and being so grateful that this is my life. The memories ranged from sneaking into Chase's room to peak at him as he slept before we left for the hospital to feeding the dogs. Well, I planned to feed the dogs, but they thought we were crazy for being up this early and wanted no part of it. As we walked into the hospital, well he walked, I wobbled, it all felt so surreal. It still seems surreal. How was it possible that in a few short hours, we would have 3 baby boys added to our family? Since I had pre-registered the day before at the hospital, the check-in process was easy. I do remember getting into my gown and chuckling with Jason and the nurse as we tried to get the monitors on all the boys. By this time of the morning, I was pretty awake and ready to get going. The time seemed to drag here as there was an emergency that pulled my doctor so the C-section was delayed. From there, I remember being able to breathe. Yes, I said breathe. You see, for the previous 9 months my lungs were being cramped into a significantly smaller space as these boys grew and developed. While Jason has all these other amazing memories of the birth, I remember finally being able to breathe. And then, being sick, sooo sick. Even with the drugs, I was still sick. Not the way a new mom wants to spend the first moments with her new child. Of course, I only had 2 in the room with me and for 24 hours, that was the case. I remember thinking that I was afraid that I was missing out on key bonding moments with Anthony. That somehow he would know that he had been away from me and it would alter our relationship. God obviously knew better because he is my most attentive and snuggly boy to this day. I am so thankful to be able to set those thoughts aside.

One of the last pregnancy pictures that I could find. Love that Chase and I are reminding ourselves that we are strong because that is what we needed these last 5 years!

As I moved through the day, different moments from the last 5 years kept encroaching and would give me pause. Many of them were little snippets that would mean nothing to everyone else, but to me, they were my world, my life. MY memories. As old and grown as my boys (all of them) may be, my memories would keep them however I needed them to be in THAT moment. There are days when I want to remember them laying on the floor as infants tugging on their feet and babbling to themselves.

On the screened-in porch table on a beautiful winter day

There are days when I need to remember all 3 of them together in the pack-n-play under one blanket sleeping peacefully.

Three sweet, sleeping babies....TINY babies

There are also days when I need to remember the all-day crying marathons, the endless time spent attached to the pump and the dirty diapers.

Then there was the crying....

and more crying....

Those are the times when I breathe a sigh of relief and cherish their growing independence and the freedom it gives me.

When I picked them up from school, they chatted away like magpies and I just smiled. When we picked up Chase and they all fought to tell him first about their birthday celebration at school. My smile was joined by some chuckles. And when we went to a buffet dinner where I watched them load their own plates and carry them back to the table and finish the meal with birthday dessert accompanied by individual singing of "Happy Birthday", my smile and my chuckles were joined by some tears. You see, I am not normally an emotional person. Some claim I am not sensitive. That is about the farthest from the truth as you can get. I choose to show my emotion as it related to what matters most to me.....my family. Today, my boys. So if you see me with tears in my eyes as I watch my boys perform at school or as I watch them learn a new skill and be excited, you will know that is an important moment for me. You see, it seems like as they get older and celebrate more birthdays, they will always be my memories and my babies. Nothing can take that from me....I won't let it.

First time I got to have all three at once

Taking a cat nap

Jack ~                                                    

You are a crazy kid these days. You do things that make me laugh and cause me to take pause. You force me to stop and listen because when I don't, you just say whatever it is a little louder. You love to play cards, and when I say love, I mean we play it all the time. Every free moment from morning until bed is spent with a deck of cards at the kitchen table with you. You have gone from not really wanting to play sports to observing at first and then taking charge and telling people how you want to play. The good news, they will do it because they are so excited that you are playing with them. You are still attached to "George" and all things Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. You still crave some quiet time by yourself everyday and will spend time creating these elaborate scenarios for your characters. Your vocabulary and math skills are growing by leaps and bounds and you talk non-stop. Your kind soul and concern for others makes me smile. I love to watch when you play with endless joy and don't think anyone is watching. I am so proud of how much you are changing and can't wait to see what your future holds. I love you and thank you for making me focus on the joys of being a mom.

Love,
Mom


Graham~                                                                  

Focus. Determination. Grit. Those are the words that I think of these days when you come to mind. You can spend endless amounts of time doing something if it holds your interest. You color and draw with a focus that astounds me. You also never give up. In some ways, that is a great trait. In other ways, it drives me crazy. When you get something in your head, you don't back down. From sports to board games, to eating new food or getting ready to leave the house, it has to be your idea (or at least you have to think it is yours). This stubborn strength is an amazing quality to have as you grow older and experience life. Your preference for quiet time is the softest animal you have at that moment. Your current passion is to play all outdoor sports with your mittens on, even when it is warm enough not to need them. You play with anyone who is willing and shine all the time. You crazy eyes and goofy grin make me laugh and you are the first to give me the "Liner version" of all school happenings. I know ALL the details when you tell me the story and you make sure to fill in anything that your brothers may omit or overlook. You run and glide and laugh with your blond hair flying around you. I love to watch you when you play and you act like yourself and have fun. I can't wait to see what your future holds. I love you and feel blessed to be your mom.

Love,
Mom


Anthony~                                                        

Energy. That one word describes you and your personality perfectly. While you can sit quietly and snuggle when the mood strikes you, you are mainly a boundless source of energy. You run, not walk. You yell, not talk. You laugh, not just smile. And when you get that glint in your eye, oh boy, watch out world. You make me laugh multiple times every day and it never ceases to amaze me how easily you do it. You are also a source of constant amazement to me. You are unassuming in everything you do. I have come to the conclusion that you are that way because you don't like the attention. Your word and letter recognition comes naturally and you don't even seem to realize what you are doing. You want to be involved but don't want to be recognized when you do something good. Being front and center is not your style. You like to blend into the crowd but somehow still manage to shine. You adore your big brother and seem lost in the afternoon until we get him from school. From that moment, you seem whole. Like you were missing a part of yourself and now that it is back, you can move forward. I don't think you are even aware of it happening. That bond is unbreakable and fills me with wonder. You are an amazing boy who makes the world seem right to me. I love you and look forward to many more smiles from you.

Love,
Mom


To my sweet boys,                                                          
                                                                                     

I know that you are eagerly waiting to grow up and time isn't moving fast enough for you. However, as your Mom, I am telling you that this is plenty fast for me. While it seems like ages ago when you were tiny babies who needed me for everything, I am not sure when you became these mature, independent boys who are eager to start 'real school'. I am going to remind you while reminding myself that we need to slow down and take in the moments. Let's not skip any steps along the way. We both need to focus on each day and taking away something from it. I know I cherish them and hope you do as well. I am amazed by you everyday and will continue to be so.

Love,
Mom

Bad Mommy.....

I have been aware of my need to write a blog post. No scratch that, several blog posts. However, every time I sit down to write one, I can't seem to find the right words. Today, that ends. Correct words or not, I need to get this down. I need to continue the tradition of documenting our lives for my kids and those who aren't around on a regular basis to see the crazy in person. So here it goes, my attempt at a recap of the last few months.

September 2015:
Everybody is finally back in school Chase is in 1st grade at Franklin Academy and Jack, Graham and Anthony start their last year of Preschool at North Raleigh Church of Christ. We LOVE all the teachers who interact with our boys on a daily basis and couldn't be happier with the progress everyone is making. Chase continues to astound me with the knowledge he comes home with at the end of a school day. Jack, Graham and Anthony are working on the letters of the alphabet, both recognition and sound. Chase joined a baseball team, the Mean Machines, that plays in local tournaments on the weekend. Hard to believe that we have reached that stage with him already.

We also took advantage of Chase's track out in September for a family trip. We made the journey to Atlanta and spent time at Stone Mountain, the Georgia Aquarium and Zoo Atlanta. We were lucky to have Lindsey and the girls join us for part of this trip so we had the added bonus of time with our cousins at the same time.

Stone Mountain - it was windy, cold and foggy at the top of that mountain

Georgia Aquarium

Zoo Atlanta - in the rain

Jason and I were also lucky enough to sneak away to Virginia to watch Notre Dame play football while Meme and Popi watched the boys for us. We made a visit to Monticello while we were and enjoyed not only the historical visit there but a last minute Notre Dame win with a touchdown in the end zone closest to us.

Monticello 

Pre-game 2015 ND @ UVA

October 2015
October saw the start of soccer for all 4 boys with Jason and I coaching their teams again this season. We love seeing how much fun the boys have playing and the improvement from season to season is astounding to be a part of.

J,G,A soccer

Of course it was the heart of football season so we managed to take the boys to a UNC game. The irony, they played Virginia! The good news, UNC won easily and a good time was had by all.

J, G, A, C rooting for the Heels

Of course, October means Halloween. As the boys get older, this 'holiday' is more fun for me. Not because of the amount of candy (which by the way is obscene!) but because they have more fun going from house to house. We love where we live but it isn't a great place for trick-or-treating so we crash with some friends and go to their place for pizza and fun. Their older son went to preschool with Chase and is one of his closest friends and his younger sister was in preschool with the littles and plays on their soccer team. Jason and I love hanging with their parents so it is a win-win for everyone!

                   Halloween with the Galls (Tinkerbell, Carolina Panther, Notre Dame player,
          Hurricane player and 2 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

November 2015
We took another special trip in November with the boys. This time, they got to see the cousins on my side of the family. My mom decided that for each of the grandkids birthdays, she was going to contribute for us to all go to Great Wolf Lodge. We plotted and planned with my brother and his family and picked Veteran's Day for this adventure. We didn't tell the boys we were going, just packed up the car and headed on our way. The first surprise was the arrival at Great Wolf Lodge itself. The second surprise was when Bise and Meredith showed up. Needless to say, that is going to be a yearly tradition for this group!

J, Bise, G, C, A, Meredith

November also means Thanksgiving. We alternate between spending Thanksgiving in Raleigh or in Winston-Salem. This year, we were home and I have to admit, with as beautiful as the weather turned out to be, I was grateful. The boys spent almost the entire weekend outside playing and running around. We enjoyed visits from family and a great meal along with some downtime which is always nice.

December 2015
Wow...it's December already! That means that Christmas is right around the corner. Before we could deal with Christmas, we had a few things to handle first. We took the boys downtown with my grandparents and my Mom to see the stage production of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer". I honestly wasn't sure how this would go which is why I haven't done many of these kinds of adventures with them before now. Of course, I should know my boys better by now. They LOVED it. All 4 sat completed enraptured during the entire performance and spent the entire car ride home telling us all their favorite parts. My favorite part was creating another memory with my grandparents with my boys. As they get older (90 and 88) I know our time with them is not forever so I want to be sure to make as many memories as possible for all of us.

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

We couldn't miss out on the YMCA Reindeer Run and its fun so add that to our list of memories and traditions.

YMCA Reindeer Run

Then we had brunch with Santa at Wakefield, which is also another family tradition. Bise and Meredith were there this year so we got some extra cousin time which is always nice.

With Grandma

With Mom-mom and  Pop-pop

Santa and cousins

Then, the crazy really began. Somehow, this was the year of us traveling to see everyone for the holidays so it looked like this. We left Raleigh the Sunday before Christmas and drove to Charlotte to see Jason's brother and his family and celebrate.

Nana and cousins

We got up the next morning and drove to Winston-Salem where Lindsey and the girls were at Meme and Popi's house. We spent the day with them and drove home.

Pile on Uncle J!

We were joined that night by Nana who left midday Christmas Eve to head to Charlotte.


*Side note - poor Jack spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day sick and it broke my heart. He was so pathetic that even the prospect of gifts from Santa waiting downstairs couldn't get him out of the chair. However, we didn't let that stop him from being part of the fun so we brought Santa's gifts and their stockings to him in the bonus room. He tried to get excited but could only muster a small smile before he put his head back down to just watch.

We packed up the Sunday after Christmas and drove to Charleston, SC to see my brother and his family. The weather was perfect and the kids spent the entire day playing outside which was great since we were heading back home in the morning.

New Year's Eve Day allowed Chase a special treat. He got to attend a basketball clinic that was run by Coach Williams and the team. He and some friends went and had a great time. He was on the court and is now officially a Tarheel for life!

Chase standing near Bryce Johnson waiting for instructions

Chase and Lily with Theo Pinson

We turned the page to a new year that will see Jack, Graham and Anthony turning 5 very soon and the end of preschool! Will get the birthday post written soon. Not sure I have the emotional fortitude this morning to handle that one....